When My Body Said No: 5 Hard-Won Lessons from Chronic Illness

“Knowing oneself comes from attending with compassionate curiosity to what is happening within.” Gabor Mate

In 2013, my life took a sudden and painful turn. One morning, I woke up to find my knees swollen to the size of cantaloupes. They were hot, screaming in pain, and I could barely walk. As a salon owner and hairstylist, standing was my whole day — my livelihood — and yet, there I was, unable to take even a step without crying out.

Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA) made itself known, uninvited (so I thought), and my world was about to change.

My RA didn’t present typically — large joint inflammation isn’t common with this disease. At first, I tried to push through it, relying on Tylenol and Advil until the side effects became as concerning as the illness itself. All the while, I was desperate to quit doing hair but didn’t know how. I felt trapped, not wanting to let my clients, family, or husband down.

In the swirl of testing, doctor’s appointments, being unheard and misdiagnosed, I stumbled across When the Body Says No by Dr. Gabor Maté. That book was a revelation. It exposed a truth I had been ignoring: my illness wasn’t just physical — it was emotional and even spiritual. I realized my habitual people-pleasing, ignoring my needs, and not listening to my body were undeniable contributing factors.

Healing truly began when I understood that my illness had psychological roots that had been growing my whole life.

Let me be clear — this isn’t about blame. I don’t blame myself for getting sick, and nobody should. What I hope is that my realizations might help someone else navigating chronic illness or autoimmune challenges. If you feel triggered by anything I say here, I invite you to sit with that feeling and ask why. I promise — I’m not judging you. I’m not judging me, either.

Here are the five most valuable lessons I’ve learned (so far) on this healing path:

1. Don’t “Push Through” — Rest Before You’re Exhausted

For years, I believed in powering through. Honestly, I was taught to. As a competitive dancer, you practically had to be on your deathbed to miss a rehearsal. But I’ve learned that stopping before you’re tired is a kind of magic. Taking early breaks has helped me avoid burnout and rebuild my energy reserves. The more I listen to my body, the more “spoons” I gain.

2. Stop Getting Mad at Your Body

I used to make my body the enemy. Every limitation felt like a betrayal. But once I started sending love and gratitude to my body instead of anger, everything began to shift. I’ve pushed it to extremes — restrictive diets, surgeries, partying, ignoring pain — and yet, it still carries me forward. That’s resilience. That’s a miracle.

3. Your Thoughts and Feelings Are Key to Healing

It took time, but I began to realize how much my mindset affects my physical health. Stress, anger, and frustration feed chronic illness. Beliefs like “I’m getting old” or “I’m always tired” shape reality. Sure, we age — but I’m healthier now in some ways than I was in my 20s. When you identify with a belief, you become it.

4. The Messages You Send Your Body Matter

Negative self-talk keeps illness stuck. Telling your body what it can’t do becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. At my worst, I needed stair lifts and a shower chair just to get by. Even after I started healing, I kept using the lift long after I could walk up the stairs. My body was ready — but my mind kept saying “you can’t.”

5. Find the Purpose in the Pain

This one might sting a bit, but hear me out. One of the biggest shifts came when I asked myself, “What am I getting out of being sick?” Not in a toxic positivity way — but with curiosity. Illness forced me to reevaluate everything. It pushed me to leave a career I had outgrown and step into my true calling: astrology, writing, and sound healing. RA became the catalyst for a more aligned, meaningful life.

Note on 2, 3, and 4:
These points may sound similar but they’re not.

• #2 is about how you react to symptoms.
• #3 is about identity statements like “I am always tired.”
• #4 is about the expectations you place on your body — the “I can’t” messages.

I’m still learning. I’m still healing. And I’m learning to love the person I’m becoming — messy, evolving, and finally listening. Some days are harder than others, but this version of me? She’s worth the effort.

If you’re on a healing journey too, here are a few books that helped me (no affiliate links):

• When the Body Says No by Dr. Gabor Maté
• Mindset by Carol S. Dweck
• The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion and the companion workbook by Dr. Kristin Neff
• The Power of Receiving by Amanda Owen

If you’re like me and you live with autoimmune or just get burned out by people – check out this post about being an Ambivert and an Empath.

Does this resonate? I’d love to hear from you. Leave a comment, follow me here, or share this post with someone who might need it. The more we share our stories, the less alone we all feel.

Be kind to yourself. Always.

Tracy Quinlan

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